How can I do better?

If you want to be a good ally for Autistic people like me, the most important things are just:

  • listen to us
  • believe us

Language

If you ask a parent or caregiver, they will often advocate for person-first language, saying they have a child with Autism, or that their child has Autism (like it is a catching disease).
Instead, most Autistic people, myself included, prefer identity first language: I am Autistic, or I am an Autist.
This is because my Autism is not something bolted onto me, or a hole in an otherwise healthy person.

In a very real sense, I am my Autism.
It affects every facet of my life and personality.
I would not be the person I am today without it.

Education

If you want to be a good ally for Autistic people like me, listen to more Autistic people like me.
As mentioned before, if you have met one Autistic person, you have met one Autistic person.
Read books by Autistic people, watch Autistic youtubers talk about their lives, follow a few Autistic people on Twitter or Facebook.
It isn’t bad to listen to family/caregivers of Autistic people, but they aren’t a substitute for the #ActuallyAutistic perspective.

Empathy

If you want to be a good ally for Autistic people like me, understand the Double Empathy problem.

Our brains are wired fairly differently.
We have difference responses and different goals.
We do our best to understand neurotypical people and be understood by you, but it takes effort on both sides to really make that work.

If something is unclear or unexpected, please ask for clarification!
If I say something clearly, but you interpreted it as something else that would cause a problem, maybe take a pause and go back to the actual words I said.

I promise I am not trying to mislead you, or even (usually) to be clever in my speech.
I just want to be understood.

Inclusion

Lastly, if you want to be a good ally for Autistic people like me, include us.

There is a disability advocacy motto that reads:

Nothing About Us Without Us

It is important not to make decisions for us because you think you know best, or because some neurotypical talking head said this is the best way to deal with people on the spectrum.

Just talk to us.
Allow us to have a voice.

Thanks for listening.


For more reading on the topic of Autism: click here